The Alphabet of Jecker 2
by HedgieX
Summary: The sequel to The Alphabet of Jecker - will Becker have survived his operation? Meanwhile, Jess is having problems of her own, and Abby is struggling not to take sides in the arguments at the ARC. Connor and Lester are, obviously, just as helpful as ever!
1. A for Aftershock

**I'm back!**** This has been hard cos I didn't want to tell Beth I was doing a 2nd alphabet, so I've had to think of the chapter names all on my own – but I hope you'll all enjoy it ;)**

**If anyone's reading this like '**_**what the hell is she on about?**_**' the original Alphabet of Jecker is probably a good place to start...**

A – Aftershock

"Hello?" Jess snatched up the phone before it even reached the second ring, her entire body quaking. She'd been sick twice this afternoon, and still her stomach churned as if she was about to throw up again.

It was all about give and take, though. There was nothing left to give, nothing left for her body to suck out. She just felt empty, void of life. How selfish that sounded when Becker might literally be dead. No, she couldn't think that.

"Hello, is that Jessica Parker?"

"How is he?" she demanded, gulping back the tears choking her.

The doctor didn't speak for a beat. That time, probably barely more than a second, felt like a century to Jess. A century of ceaseless horror and nerves.

"The operation went well. It's too early to know yet if the mass has been totally removed, and we obviously can't tell for a while how big the risk is of it coming back, but for now we're pleased with how it worked."

"Is he...is he awake? Has he said anything?" she couldn't describe the relief she felt as she digested that news. Yet the fear was all-engulfing still; after so long waiting, a new torrent of unanswered questions washed over her.

"He's still very woozy from the anaesthetic, but yes, he's been conscious for a few minutes now. He asked for you – said he loved you."

"That...that's good, right?"

"Of course. Now, after brain surgery, there's always a risk of after affects such as seizures, but we can sort that out when we come to it. He might need to undergo therapy – chemo or radiotherapy, you've probably heard of them before?"

"Yes."

"Well, at the moment, it all just depends. But we can discuss all of this further when you come across – he'll probably be fully awake by the morning, and by then we'll have assessed him. For now, I'd advise you get a good night's sleep, and you can see him tomorrow."

"Yes. Yes," Jess repeated, barely listening now. She suddenly felt so drained. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," the doctor hung up.

"Abby!" Jess yelled, "Abby, he's okay!"

"Oh my God, that's wonderful!" Abby rushed through and threw her arms around her friend, grinning, "What did they say?"

"Just stuff about treatment. But they said he was awake, and he'd asked for me – he said he loved me."

Abby smiled, "Come on; let's get you to bed now then, yeah? You haven't slept properly for days – he's going to need you strong for tomorrow, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

Abby pulled back the covers and sat her down, "You'll be okay? Don't lie awake worrying, okay? He's fine. He's going to be okay – we all are. We can celebrate tomorrow too; Connor and Matt will love that."

"Yeah," Jess allowed Abby to guide her upstairs and to the spare bedroom – she'd been staying with Abby and Connor for a few days now, "Thank you, Abby. For being there, when I needed you. For caring."

Abby smiled again, hugging her again, "You'd do the same for me."

"Night," Jess whispered.

"Night," Abby closed the door behind her as she left, leaving the room bathed in artificial light from the lamp. Jess sat silently on the bed, feeling tears run down her face. She needed to sleep, she knew. She needed to be ready for Becker, when he needed her. But how could she? How could she sleep now?

She felt a new wave of nausea force its way up her throat, and she dived for the bathroom, throwing herself down by the toilet and bending her head over it to spit up what she hadn't even known was in her.

XxXxX

**Basically, my future aim for FanFic i****s to get 100 reviews on a story, so **_**please**_** review and tell me what you thought, or if you have any ideas! xxx**


	2. B for Brave Faces

**Thanks so much for the reviews :)**

B – Brave faces

"Jess."

Jess felt sick all over again just hearing the weakness in his voice. She stared up at the ceiling, unable to face seeing his pain.

"Jess, please."

She felt a hand reach out and tickle her knee, his attempt at letting her know. Letting her know everything. That he loved her, and that he knew she loved him. That he was okay, and that she'd be okay too.

She lowered her gaze and looked at him for the first time.

Pale face.

Sunken eyes.

Shaved hair.

Stitched skull.

"Becker," she let the words trickle out over her lips, savouring the taste of them. Nothing had ever tasted so utterly sweet_ and_ sour at the same moment. "Oh, Becker."

Still he smiled, "Don't sound so sad."

"I thought..."

"I know what you thought," he sounded, behind the pain and exhaustion, quite calm, "So did I. But I'm fine, aren't I? I'm here."

She felt a surge of rage, "Why didn't you tell me?"

His face fell, "I didn't want you to worry, Jess."

And a surge of affection, "I did worry."

"I know, I know," he sighed, reaching out for her hand again.

"You shouldn't have gone through all of that alone."

"I didn't. You were with me, in here," his hand moved up to his heart.

She reached out for his fingers, and held them between both of her hands, smoothing the skin, "How are you feeling?"

"Not so bad."

"Really?"

"Jess, I'm fine. The pain, I can cope with it – I can block it out. As long as you're here, I'm fine," his fingers shifted and he squeezed her hand instead, "Even if you're not here, as long as I know you're okay, I'm fine."

"What have they said, though? About...about the brain tumour?"

Becker winced at the words, "More tests later on. Doctors don't like to commit to things, in case they're wrong. But they seem pretty convinced they did a good job, and I won't argue."

She nodded, "How long will you be in here?"

"Well, considering I'm doped up on so much morphine I can barely think, and the pain is still like someone's pressing a burning iron to my head, a while," he muttered. He saw her face, "I'm sorry, Jess. It's hard. I don't know, and I don't like not knowing. I just want to be at home again, with you."

She nodded again, "I want the same."

"That's good."

"Yep."

The time didn't pass so slowly now she knew he was okay. Well no, she didn't know that. She just clung to the hope that he was. That magic. The silence was golden, really – a reminder that they were together. That was a blessing in itself.

"Mmm...I'm tired..."

"Me too."

Becker smiled, "We make a right pair, don't we?"

Jess smiled too then, her muscles aching from lack of use. It felt good, though, to exercise them again. Really good, "That's how we like it."

XxXxX

**Just a bit of fluff...**** mmm, you might know me well enough by now to guess that after the fluff comes the angst...maybe ;)**

**juls124 – you might just be onto something... and Esmerelda Diana Parker (can I just put EDP in future?) I have faith in you – you will guess it one day! xxx**


	3. C for Cold

**I think I might just need to buy a bullet-proof vest. Can EMD's shoot through those? Mmm...**

**EDP - YOU GOT IT! XD**

**Jet Becker - I can honestly say I don't know what some of those words mean! :/ I'll need to be more inventive with my titles...**

C – Cold

"Jess?" Becker murmured, reaching out a hand towards the other side of the bed. He hit mid air, and then a folded back duvet; she wasn't there. He forced himself up onto an elbow sleepily, his vision still blurred, "Jess, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Her tone set him further on edge; he was awake now, as he slipped from the bed and crossed the room to the bathroom. Three months, it had been, since his operation. He'd had therapy throughout – none of it had been easy. But Jess had been with him every step of the way, and that had helped a tremendous amount.

A rap on the door, "Jess, what's up?"

"I'm fine – go back to bed."

"Open the door?" he persisted.

They were at Jess's house today. They'd been taking it in turns to host – a few nights together a week, just slowly easing themselves into a relationship. Neither of them were the happy-go-lucky type when it came down to it – it was all about building up trust.

"Jessie?"

She unlocked the door. He pushed it open to find her perched on the bath side, her feet tucked up on the toilet. Her mascara was smudged down her face, and her lips contorted with pain.

"Oh, Jess," he rushed across immediately and embraced her, clinging on tight, "Is it stomach pains again?"

She nodded weakly, "I had some Paracetamol, in the middle of the night, but it...it made it worse. I was sick."

"You should've woken me up, sweetie," he rocked her gently, "Hey, sshh, you're okay now. God, you're cold, aren't you?"

"I feel sick," she moaned.

"No, no; you're okay."

She pushed him away and crouched down by the toilet, throwing up into it again. He held her hair back dutifully, whispering words of comfort. He helped her back to bed, noting her hands clasping her stomach with a jolt of guilt. He knew pain when he saw it. He wished he could do something.

If he was honest with himself, he was worried about her. Not just currently – things he'd noticed over the past few weeks. She barely ate, she barely slept, she was barely in full health. He wondered about stress, but she always denied it. Work seemed to be the place she could deal with it all anyway – it was when she came back home that it felt wrong.

"Becker..."

"I'm here," he wrapped the sheets up around her, remembering all the times she'd done that to him when he'd been ill. Brought him breakfast in bed, cuddled up and read him the football scores. What could he do for her? Was she interested in anything but feeling better? "Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head.

"A drink?"

She shook it again, her hair bouncing limply across her shoulders.

He nodded, "Okay. Give me two minutes – I'll ring Lester. You definitely can't go in, and I don't feel very good about leaving you like this..."

"I'll be fine in a few hours," she whispered.

"No, Jess," he kissed her on the head and left the room. Why was she so insistent on work when she felt so ill? Was it that bad that she just didn't want to be near him? He dialled Lester's number, but it was engaged. Not surprising – it was only six. He rang Matt instead.

"Hey."

"Hi, Matt. It's Becker."

"Yeah, got that," he chuckled, "I know you get up early, Becker, but this is pushing it – I'm standing in the middle of the kitchen in my boxers here."

Becker tried to shake that mental vision, "Thanks for that, Matt. Look, Jess is ill again – she's been sick a few times, and she's barely strong enough to sit up. I don't want to leave her."

Matt sighed, "What's wrong with that girl?"

"I don't know. I'm going to ask Abby to talk to her."

"Okay then. I don't suppose Lester will be best pleased, but it can't be helped, really. Tell her I hope she feels better soon."

"I will. Thanks," Becker finished gratefully, slipping the phone back into his pocket and heading for the cupboard. He reached up to the top and pulled out a hot water bottle; one in the shape of a fluffy sheep. It smelled gorgeously of lavender. He dropped it into the microwave and set the timer.

Sometimes, it was the little things in the life that really made a difference.

XxXxX


	4. D for Doubt

**You're giving me all these suggestions**** (btw I loved the definitions) and my titles are absolutely crap :L**

**For E, I'm going to find a good title! xxx**

D - Doubt

"Spill."

Jess quickly realised it wasn't a question, "What?"

"I mean it, Jess. Becker's worried about you, and more importantly so am I. So what's up?"

"Abby..."

"Jess."

She took a deep breath, "I've just not felt very well for a while, that's all. Mum always said I had a weak immune system."

"Lies."

"Not lies."

"Definitely lies, Jess."

There was a long silence.

"I just...I just keep getting scared," she whispered eventually, "I wake up in the middle of the night crying; I've had a dream about him not being there. And then he has all this chemo, and I see the pain on his face even when he tries to hide it from me."

"The sickness?"

She shook her head.

"Jess."

"I...I..."

"Hey, it's okay," Abby's harsh expression softened, "What? Do you make yourself sick, is that it? Because you need to feel in control or something?"

"No, it's not that."

"Well, what then? Because you think he won't love you if you put on weight? It's not true, Jess; he..."

"I know. But..." she paused again, "On the first night he came out of hospital...we both needed comforting. We just...well, we got drunk. Really drunk. And we slept together."

"Oh my God, Jess, are you seriously sug..."

"Please, let me finish first," she sniffed, "He didn't remember, in the morning – but he had a terrible headache. I felt so guilty. I...I didn't really think about it until after...and I just couldn't tell him."

"Are you sure?"

"No. I haven't checked – I can't. But...but I've had backache, and morning sickness, and everything my mum said I did to her..."

"You've kept this to yourself? All this time?"

"I couldn't have an abortion, Abby. Not on my own. And I couldn't live with the idea anyway – that I'd killed a baby. I just...I just hoped that it was just illness. But I know it isn't. I can tell."

Abby jumped up, "He hasn't guessed?"

"No. He's a really heavy sleeper. If he does wake up, I tell him I felt ill again – it's true, I feel terrible sometimes. He's so supportive; he holds my hair back and fetches me magazines. But I just couldn't bring myself to tell him."

"You have to, Jess. You have to!" she demanded, "It is his, right?"

"Of course!" Jess gasped. She flushed, "I'd never slept with anyone before. And I haven't since. I don't think he even remembered, or at least he's never mentioned it. It would be like...I've lied to him all this time; he'd never forgive me!"

"Listen to me, Jess," Abby sat back down and wrapped an arm around her, "You're nineteen years old. You're an adult – you have your own mind. And so does he – he got drunk as well. You both did a stupid thing, but not necessarily a terrible thing. A child, Jess. You love him, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Well, he loves you. You've both had a hard time recently; you both deserve some happiness. This gives you a chance to settle down – to really sort things out and prepare for life. If you want to be with him, Jess, you need to talk to him. Or he'll realise you're lying and think you don't want to be with him any more. You've got a lot of thinking to do now. About the options. About whether you want this. And you need him with you."

"I can't."

"You can."

Jess shook her head, "He'll hate me."

"Maybe. For a bit," Abby shrugged, "But I'll tell you one thing for free, Jess; he'll hate you a bloody lot more if you have his child without telling him. Your choice."

She stormed off, leaving Jess to sit alone and cry. For Becker, for herself, and for her child. _Her child._

XxXxX


	5. E for Emberlucock

Emberlucock

***looks shameful* – I googled long words beginning with E, ****I actually found loads… I'm not entirely sure it works but it means 'to bewilder, confuse'… and seriously, does this – – really mean good?**

"Hi babe," Becker rushed towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist as she stepped inside the front door of his flat after work.

He'd come back to the ARC now, for a couple of half days a week – it gave him time to recover, but time with his job too. And it meant he wasn't always with Jess; too much time together made it less special.

"Hi," she replied faintly, burying her head in his t-shirt and breathing in the familiar smell.

"I still think you should go and see a doctor about this illness thing, Jess. I know you don't like it, but they'd probably just give you some medicine and let you go, and anyway I'm getting worried. You're really thin now, baby."

"I'm fine, Becker," she mumbled.

"Did...did Abby speak to you?"

"Yep."

"And...was it okay?"

"Yep."

"Jess..."

"Becker, I need to talk to you."

"Okay," he agreed readily. Maybe it would help her to tell him some of the things evidently bothering her. She seemed to think he didn't notice, but he did. He saw how she barely ate now; he saw how nervous she got. "I'll just get some coffees, and then..."

"No, Becker," she took his hand and pulled him through to the lounge, "I have to do it before...before I can't any more. I...do you remember what happened, when you came home from hospital?"

He shook his head, sitting down on the sofa and patting the cushion beside him. She just kept pacing up and down the carpet.

"We...we were drunk."

"Ah."

"And we slept together."

"Ah."

She gave a deep, shaky sigh, "I thought the first time was supposed to be special."

"What? Jess, you'd never...oh my God. I'm sorry. We should..."

"I'm pregnant, Becker. I'm pregnant."

His eyes grew wide. His cheeks lost any trace of colour, and then reversed and flooded rosy red. His lips curled into an angry glare. "Jesus, Jess! How long have you known? Why the hell didn't you tell me? What, you'll tell Abby this, and not me? You're nineteen, for Christ's sake! You're a child!"

"No. I'm an adult. And so are you. You're every bit as much to blame as I am, Becker. You don't even remember it, do you?"

"That's not the point! If you'd told me that day, we could've got those tablets or something! Or even a few days after! Any point before now! You could've had an abortion!"

"I nearly did," she still spoke calmly, "I sat outside the clinic. I just couldn't go in, though – I couldn't do it alone."

Becker was anything but calm, though, "Well, if you'd told me, you wouldn't have been alone, would you?"

"Well, why do you think I couldn't tell you?"

"Oh, I don't know, do I? Because you wanted to feel like you had the power? Because you wanted a share of the attention I got for being ill?"

She shook her head, "You're sick."

He slammed a hand down on the sofa, "_I'm_ sick? _I'M_ sick? Where do you get these ideas from? You disgust me!"

She stood up and ran to the door, "Look around you, Becker. Take a good long look around you. Maybe you'll realise one day why I didn't tell you. Why I _couldn't _tell you."

The door slammed, the crash echoing around the house. And then there was silence.

XxXxX


	6. F for Fantod

F – Fantod

'**An emotional state' – mmhm ;)**

**Love how you're all getting angry at Becker! xx**

_Becker's POV_

What the hell has that girl done now? What the_ bloody_ hell?

Well, a number of things. One – got drunk at an age barely legal. Two – slept with me. Three – not told me; let me believe she was ill the entire time. Four – kept the child.

I'm literally shaking. I can't hold my hands still. I don't know if it's anger, or shock, or guilt. Because it's my fault too, isn't it? My list of sins she's committed can be changed around, can't it? One – I got drunk too; probably more drunk that her. Two – I slept with her. Three – I didn't even remember, or realise. Four – I would've done the same.

I don't know where she went. I don't know if I care any more. On one hand, I don't know if I can ever look her in the eye again after what she's done. On the other, all those things we said to each other are running through my head, and I just can't bear to think of her all alone.

I still love her. Whatever she's done, I still love her. Is that wrong? Love is a crime that's worth committing, a law that's worth breaking. I never saw that before, but she showed me.

Am I really that unapproachable? Did she really think so deeply that I'd hate her? Maybe I'm proving her right now, by doing this. But how else do you react? Tell her it's fine? Maybe I should've done that.

I should ring her. But she wouldn't pick up, would she? And what would I say? What do you say to the woman you love when she's carrying the baby you never knew about? She's nineteen. She may be an adult, but she's still a teenager too, really. She's too young to settle down, too young to know what she really wants.

She's too young to be having my child.

XxXxX

_Jess's POV_

Oh my God.

Oh. My. God.

He hates me. He actually hates me.

He just wanted a bit of fun – someone to talk to at night. He didn't want this. A child. He's...what, he's twenty seven? He's nearly a decade older than me. It was just a bit of a laugh with Matt and Connor – Emily, Abby...me. Nothing serious.

Then he was ill, and he needed comforting more. I was there. He felt like he needed to repay me – he felt like he needed to pretend it was serious. It all went too far; he was sucked in too deep. You forget yourself, after a while, don't you? You forget what life's about.

Oh my God, what am I going to do? Why didn't I just tell him? No, I know the answer to that one – because I knew this would happen. I knew it would all fall apart, and I'd lose him. I was scared.

I feel sick now. Not actual sick. Just sick at what I've done. He was right – I'm disgusting. He said that, didn't he – I disgust him? I'm a filthy liar.

Should I go to Abby's? She's Becker's friend as well. She'll help me, but she won't do it happily – she knows I'm wrong. I can't bear to think what she and Connor would be saying behind my back. I took advantage of a desperate friend – a dying friend. He's not the emotional retard, I am.

So what? Do an EastEnders – throw myself down the stairs? The worst thing is I'd be too much of a coward to even do that. Maybe have an abortion. But at least that part of what I said was true – I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill a baby inside of me.

I can't stand up any more. I feel like I'm going to faint or something. Yeah, melodrama again. Mum said I should've been an actress. Oh my God, my parents. What will they think of me? They'll hate me too. I'll be all alone, without anyone or anything to live for. Actually, what's the point?

Ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

I don't know what just happened. Someone punched me. I've hit my head on the wall. They've taken my bag – my phone's in there, and my money, and...and my keys to both the flats. My life's literally in that bag.

I can't breathe. Everything hurts. I just want to scream, but I can't even do that. I can feel blood, surrounding me. From my head, my arms, my legs. From...from where the baby is.

Maybe this is the best way out.

XxXxX

**Please review :)**


	7. G for Gutter

G – Gutter

**Back to my normal titles for now ;)**** Mmm, and can someone please tell Beth Becker to update! xxx**

"Well, we've done the scans, and the baby seems to be okay," the doctor told her stiffly, lifting his stethoscope and pressing it to her chest, "And so do you, although you'll be in a lot of pain for a few days."

"Mmhm."

He didn't miss the shock in her eyes, "Look, Miss Parker... this is the second time you've been here in this half-year alone. I know a person can be unlucky, but after everything that's happened with Mr Becker as well, it must be very stressful in your house, is it?"

"Mmm."

"Jess..." he sounded gentler now, "Are you going to tell me how these injuries occurred? Did you fight with your boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"Yes? I should get someone – will you record a statement for the police? Speaking out is..."

"No," she whimpered, "Not that kind of fight."

"What?"

"I didn't tell him I was pregnant, until last night. And he went mad, and I left. I was just walking in the street, and someone attacked me and stole my bag. It's got my phone in, and my keys, and...and everything. Not that I want any of it now."

He whistled to a passing nurse, "Pat, can you call the police, please?"

"No, I don't..."

"I do."

She sighed, "He'll never forgive me, for the baby."

"Of course he will. Trust takes time to build, but you'll work it out – if you really love each other," the doctor turned to leave.

"Why does everyone say that? _If you really love each other?_ Like it's a test or something?" Jess sighed, straining to see him, and feeling pain shoot up her body again.

"Maybe because it is. If you love someone that much, you tell them everything. I'll be back later, with the police," he slipped out and pulled the curtain back around him.

Was that true, then? Was that what everyone thought? What about those people who had five girlfriends at the same time, and said they loved them all? That was just lust, wasn't it? Lust and greed. What was love; real love?

She felt lonely now, so lonely. She wanted Becker. She wanted Abby, or Connor, or Matt, or Lester. She wanted someone she'd known from school, or someone who lived in her street. She didn't actually give a damn any more. Someone she didn't know might be preferable, to be honest. They wouldn't judge her then, would they? Or maybe you judged strangers more than anyone.

She was sick of hospitals. Sick of the smell, of the overhanging sense of hurt and dread and death. People died here. Becker could have died here.

Even if he hated her, he must still have a little affection left, mustn't he? For all those nights when she'd curled up beside him and rocked him to sleep. Didn't he owe her that much in return; a night of comfort and reassurance before they went their inevitable separate ways?

Maybe he'd tried to call her. Then he'd just think she was ignoring him, wouldn't he? Maybe the person who'd taken her bag had dumped it in the gutter, or answered and said he was her other boyfriend. Any way she put it, it didn't look good.

If she was Becker, she'd hate herself. And that wasn't, in any person's mind, a good place to start.

XxXxX


	8. H for Hiding

H – Hiding

"Stop trying to protect her, Abby. I just want to know she's okay, and I'll shut up," Becker muttered, clicking his gun into place on his belt.

"I'm not trying to protect her. I've already said – I'm not taking sides this time. If I knew she was okay, I'd tell you."

Lester and Matt exchanged glances. How many times was this conversation going to go round in circles? Connor tapped his foot impatiently against the tiles, the only one of the five unflustered by this. He was sure she'd turn up eventually.

Nevertheless, they all avoided looking at Jess's empty desk. She wouldn't really just run away, would she? She wasn't a coward. What if something had happened to her?

"We could call the hospitals; just to make sure?" Abby suggested, hoping to calm Becker down, "I'm sure she's just sick again. She'll come in later."

"She must have...like, twenty texts and half a dozen missed calls and voicemails on her phone by now! She'd ring back, wouldn't she? She'd let us know she was okay?"

"Well, if you're bombarding her with so much when she's made it clear she needs room, we can't really blame her, can we?" Lester sighed, "I'm sure she'll call back later, Becker. She'll be fine."

"But what if..."

"Life is full of _what if_'s, mate. We can't live our lives focused on them the entire time, or we'd never get anywhere. Honestly, just let her calm down," Matt patted him uncomfortably on the back, "She'll come round. She won't want to lose you."

"She...oh for God's sake," Becker trailed off as the lights flashed red all around them, and a high-pitched siren rang out through the building.

Jess's desk looked even emptier as they ran across to the screens. Lester fiddled with the mouse, but couldn't get the screen to zoom in. Matt pressed every button on the headphones, but to no avail, whilst Connor ended up falling over her chair and landing head-first in the recycling bin. Abby and Becker just stood watching silently.

"How does she do all this?" Matt muttered frustratedly.

"Who knows," Lester sounded equally annoyed as he threw the mouse down on the desk and it cracked along the side, "Oops. She's going to kill me."

"Yeah, if she ever turns up," Matt replied darkly.

Connor had retrieved the toilet roll tube from his head, and now showed Lester how to scroll down the map, "Look, it's there. Edge of town – the rubbish tip."

"That's going to be fun," Abby gave a moan.

"Mmhm," Matt agreed, "Right, Becker – get some men down there. Abby, Connor, me – we'll follow and see what's going on. Lester...well, you can just...sit here and try to sort this out."

"Great. Cheers, Matt."

"Anytime," he found the strength to smile, briefly, "Look, you lot. I know you're worried about Jess, but she'll be fine. I know she'll be fine. So get out there, do your jobs, and make her proud, yeah?"

Abby bowed her head emotionally, and Becker gave a stiff nod of agreement. Connor took Abby's hand, and Matt raised a hand to Becker's back and gave him a nudge towards the door as they all headed off to face the trouble.

Lester sank down into Jess's chair, flapping his arms in the air as it collapsed down to floor height. He didn't have a clue what the hell he was supposed to do with all this technological stuff. Or how he could get up out of this chair without revealing his new Asda Smart Price boxers... "No, really. Cheers."

XxXxX

**Coming up... Jess makes some life-changing decisions, and Abby and Matt have some bonding time, whilst Connor and Becker get closer to each other too ;)**

**Please review! xx**


	9. I for Indecision

I – Indecision

"Are you sure, madam? You don't look well. Do you want to think about it for a while before you go making any rash decisions?"

Jess sighed. She didn't need this. "I'm fine. Just the ticket, please."

"Okay."

She handed over the two hundred pounds in cash, took the ticket and limped away from the desk. She'd managed to convince the bank to let her take out five hundred without ID – they'd had her signature, and she'd told them her credit card was broken. Well, it probably was. Or completely spent up. The doctors had, again, advised her against leaving, but the police had taken her statement and...and really, what was left for her here?

She'd written a note. They hadn't done anything; they deserved to know the truth. She'd posted it to Lester:

_Just to say I'm moving away – I can't cope with living here any more, surrounded by so many reminders. I lost my phone and my credit cards, but I've got some cash; don't worry. Please tell Becker he can see the child if he wants; I'll send you a new contact number once I get sorted._

_Thanks for everything,_

_Jess._

She glanced down at the ticket again.

**Gatwick, London – Paris, France. N****O RETURN.**

She could speak a little French; she could get by until she learnt more. And they had good health care, didn't they? She could rent an apartment, do some odd jobs...she'd be fine.

The child. They'd done some more scans at the hospital – it was about eight weeks. Healthy, they said. Normal size, regular position. It was hardly going to have a healthy upbringing though, was it? No father, and a barely-past-teens mother. Would it speak French or English? _It_. That sounded so cruel. Would it be a boy or a girl?

She'd dreamt for so long of having a child; ever since she'd gone to school she'd loved caring for those younger than herself, and now was no different. She would've been a nurse or a teacher if she hadn't met Lester. How different life would've been then.

The funny thing was, though, that she'd been so happy with Becker. She'd felt safe; it'd felt so right. He wasn't ready for that, though. He'd just wanted fun, hadn't he? She'd already thought about all of this.

**10:30 flight.**** Arrive two hours prior to departure.**

That gave her tonight to pack. To say goodbye to the country she loved. To tell her parents what the future held.

She clung to the hope that everything would, one day, be okay again.

XxXxX

**Ohoh...**


	10. J for Justice

J – Justice

Abby knocked hard on Lester's office door, "Lester!"

"Mm..." he stood up slowly and opened it.

"This is..."

The man beside Abby held out his hand, smiling neutrally, "Hello, I'm Sergeant Kieran Jones. James Lester?"

"Do you want to step this way?" Lester extended a hand professionally into his office, and the police officer followed him back into the room and sat down at the desk. "Is this about Jess?"

"Yes," Kieran nodded, raising his eyebrows as Abby closed the door and sat down too. Lester didn't say anything. "Do you happen to know where Mr Becker is? I need to speak with him too."

"Oh, have the whole bloody team in," Abby snapped, standing again and disappearing.

"Sorry," Lester sighed wearily, "She's worried."

"That's understandable."

Abby reappeared, quickly followed by Becker, Matt and a worried-looking Connor. Becker raised his eyebrows, "Yep?"

"It's about Jess," Lester muttered.

"Oh," Becker's eyes grew wide, "Where is she? Is she...is she okay?"

The policeman nodded again, "She was attacked shortly after leaving the flat, we've established. Her handbag was stolen, and she was taken to hospital, but she's fine."

"The...the baby?" Abby whispered.

"Fine too."

"That's good," she replied, with a glance towards Becker.

He refused to look at her, "Have you got him?"

"No, not yet. We have a problem, however – she discharged herself from hospital. She was quite distressed, and we don't know where she's gone. We need to talk to her about the attack, and I think the hospital needed to check her over again as well. Have you spoken with her?"

"We're not her favourite people at the moment," Matt spoke for the first time, "Have you tried her flat? Or her parents?"

"So far, they haven't heard anything, but we don't know if they'd tell anyway. We don't want to worry them unnecessarily. Her phone was taken – we've tried tracing it, but so far we have nothing. Her flat is empty."

"You think..." Lester began.

"We don't think anything, yet. But we would like to know she's safe, so if any of you know anything... Mr Becker?"

He shook his head, "Don't you think I'd tell you if I did? Don't you think I'd give anything to rewind, and relive today?"

"I don't know, sir. I'm not here to judge you. Miss Parker's welfare is my sole concern, and if you're involved I'd like to know what's going on," he sounded a little less understanding, "She seemed upset, about a fight you'd had. Could you tell me more about that?"

He seemed not to care about anyone else knowing – not now, "She told me she was pregnant. She's nineteen, and it's my fault; I was ill, and got drunk to stop the pain. But I was shocked. I blamed her; I went mad. And she ran off. I tried to follow her, but she kept running, and I thought she'd come back later. She was scared too. I thought she knew I loved her no matter what."

"Sometimes they can be moody, when they're pregnant," the policeman tried to comfort him now, "I'm sure she's just gone for a walk to get her head round it all. But if you hear anything..."

"You'll be the first to know," Lester agreed, standing up and showing him out.

Becker sank down onto the floor, "Oh, God. What have I done?"

XxXxX

**SveaR – Once a day is already pushing it; it might not be that much now I'm back to having homework! **

**EDP – right again, you're getting really good at guessing these now ;)**

**Reviews are really appreciated :) xx**


	11. K for Kamerad

K – Kamerad

"Are you okay, darling?"

Jess looked up to find a cleaner hanging over her. She was carrying a mop and bucket, and appeared tired and somewhat sad, but still she smiled. Jess tried to smile back, but didn't manage it.

"You've been here a while, haven't you?"

"Yeah."

"Anything wrong?"

"Yeah."

The woman sat down beside her, "I'm Lucie."

"Jess."

"Well, what's going on? Anything you need help with?"

Jess shook her head, "It's a long story."

"I'm good with those."

"Mm..."

Lucie smiled again, "You don't have to tell me. I'll get on with my cleaning; I'm awfully nosy. You look a bit lost, though, pet."

"I suppose I am," Jess didn't see what she had to lose confiding in this woman, "It just...it feels like my life's fallen apart."

"I know that feeling."

"I...I told my boyfriend I was pregnant, and he was angry. I ran away. I was attacked; they took my handbag. The baby's okay, but...but I can't stay here. He hates me – they all hate me. I need to get away," Jess realised she was crying again, "Sorry."

Lucie dug a tissue from her pocket calmly, "It's okay. So where you thinking of running away to, then? Florida? Spain?"

Jess shook her head, "France. I can speak a bit of the language, and I can still come back and see my parents at some point. I need to get away. I need to feel normal again. Why am I telling you this?"

"I don't know. Because I just drift around cleaning. Nobody sees me. Then sometimes someone realises they need a friend, to listen. I'm here. It's part of the job, I s'pose. It's why I stay here – they need someone to help."

Jess wiped her eyes, "Do you think I'm a coward, running away?"

"No," Lucie shook her head, "No; of course not. But I do think you'll be making a mistake if you leave. You were born in this country, yeah? You've lived here all your life? Don't you have good memories? Won't you miss it?"

"Maybe."

"And this guy. What if he was just worried about the baby? What if he didn't know how to react? It doesn't mean he hates you, does it? He's probably rushing around looking for you now. And even if he's a bastard, you must have loads of other friends, right?"

"Maybe."

"Lucie!" a voice screamed.

"Sorry," Lucie stood up sheepishly and started wiping the floor again, "Well, it's up to you, love. But you know what I'd suggest. It's never too late, is it? To turn around and try again?"

"Maybe not," Jess shrugged, glancing down at her ticket again.

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

XxXxX

**Reviews please? xx**


	12. L for Lean on Me

L – Lean on me

Jess wandered across to the payphone on the other side of the airport. She estimated that it was about ten or eleven at night now; there was still a steady trickle of tourists, but not as many. She punched in Becker's mobile number. Maybe Lucie was right – she should at least talk to him. It was his child.

The phone rang out, the bell stinging Jess's ears, and breaking her heart even more. She gave in eventually, and hung up. Why was she trying? Why did she think for a moment that he would answer? She needed to stop doing what others told her to do and deal with it herself.

She wasn't running away, was she? She wasn't hiding. She'd told the doctor she was leaving; she'd left a note for the ARC. She was just moving away, for her sake, and for the child's. He or she had to come first now.

So why did she feel as if she was betraying everyone who'd ever cared about her? Had Becker cared about her? What was he doing now?

She dropped the phone, lifted her coat and took a step away – she'd go to her parents' house and rest. But the phone rang again. There was no one around her; no one else to care. Who'd have the number except...except that last number to have been called?

She answered it without a word.

"Jess?" Becker's familiar voice echoed down the line towards her. She'd missed that voice so much – the tenderness between the automatic gruff tones. She gave a muffled sniff. "Jess, are you there?"

"Becker."

"Jess!" he squealed, "Lester, Jess is on the phone! Abby! Abby, she's..."

"Becker," Jess repeated.

"Oh my God, Jess, I'm so sorry! What happened? Where are you? Are you hurt? God, I'm so sorry. I tried to go after you! I thought you'd come back – I thought you just needed time on your own! I didn't know...what's going on? Why did you leave the hospital? The baby...I was just so shocked, Jess. I was shocked that I'd been so stupid – that I'd got you drunk, and that I hadn't even realised you were...you'd never...had...is the baby okay? Why did they attack you? Do you have any money? I was only like that because I loved you, Jess! I couldn't believe I'd hurt you! I couldn't believe I'd been such a bastard that you couldn't trust me! I..."

"Becker!" Jess sobbed, unable to listen any more to his emotional ramblings. He was barely making sense – he sounded utterly beside himself. Was he drunk? Had they told him to say all that? There were some twisted people around...

"Becker, give her a minute. Come on, she's fine – you're talking to her now. Calm down," Abby took the phone; she sounded more collected, but still tearful, "Jess? Where are you?"

"Is he drunk?"

Abby gave a half-hearted snort, "No. No, he's crying, Jess."

"Why?" she suddenly felt so young again, like she couldn't understand anything, and needed an explanation for even the simplest things.

"He's upset. Where are you, Jess? I'll come and pick you up, yeah? We can have a chat? Or Lester could get you, or Matt?"

"I...I just wanted to feel normal again. He...I thought he was going to die when he had cancer, Abby. I thought I'd be left all on my own. And the child...I thought it'd be the only thing I could hold onto. I was scared. I was so scared," Jess cried, barely able to hold the phone up any more, "He hates me."

"He doesn't, Jess. No one hates you. We were all really worried. But you need to listen now, Jess; you need to help me. Tell me where you are."

She took a deep breath, "The airport."

XxXxX


	13. M for Mollities

M – Mollities

**Sorry it's such a small chapter! I've been typing up pages and pages of story for you guys! ****Mollities mean softening, apparently... xxx**

"You should be a professional interrogator, you know," Matt told Abby as they ran through the ARC corridors towards the kitchen, "One of those who helps talk people down from buildings. I'd put in a good word for you – you were amazing!"

She didn't smile, "It would kill me."

Matt winced, "Soup, then? Tomato?"

Abby grabbed a flask as Matt rooted around for a pan, "No, she hates it. Chicken."

"Okay," he agreed, pouring the tin quickly into the pan and sliding it onto the hob, "Do you want me to come with you, to the airport?"

She turned to him slowly, and he got an answer he hadn't been expecting, "Would you?"

He smiled kindly, reaching out an arm, "Of course. I'll do whatever I can to help."

"Thank you," she murmured, wrapping a bread roll in kitchen foil and dropping it into her bag.

"Are you alright?" I know it's a shock, about Jess. And seeing Becker like that..."

"Mmm...it's just...well, me and Connor have been...we want a child. And it's not happening," she faced the cooker so Matt couldn't see her eyes, "It just feels wrong...they've got a child when Jess is so young and Becker's not ready either, and...and when I'm desperate..."

"Oh, Abs. I'm sorry."

"I don't hold it against them or anything," Abby shook her head, smearing her tears away, "Jess will be an amazing mum, and Becker really does love her, and will love the child; it'll be wonderful. But...but seeing her so worked up, and trying to talk to her about it whilst...it's just hard. You know?"

Matt nodded, suddenly feeling choked up. He didn't see that side to Abby often – the frailty. "Yeah, I know."

Abby shook herself, "So we'll get Connor to look after Becker – they can both stay at our flat tonight. I'll take Jess back to hers. Tomorrow, we can sort out what's going to happen; they both need to calm down before we let them meet again. And Jess needs to be interviewed anyway, and checked over by the doctor.

"Yeah," Matt switched the electricity off and poured the soup into the flask, then handed it to Abby, "I'll deal with the paperwork with Lester."

"You get all the best jobs," Abby managed a weak smile now, "Come on, then; we'll go and see what this is all about."

XxXxX


	14. N for Nurturing

**Hi! I know I haven't updated this for ages, but to be honest I didn't think anyone was reading it... it's down to Juls124 that you're getting another chapter ;) I know it's short, but I might do another one soon...maybe...**

N – Nurturing

"Come here," Abby threw her arms around Jess as they pulled up by the airport entrance. It was pouring with rain now, and Jess shivered in her friend's hold as they clung to each other. "You're okay now. You're okay."

"Alright, Jess," Matt took her arm and helped her into the car – she curled up on the back seat trembling. Abby climbed in beside her and poured her a mug of soup – she took it gratefully, but seemed more content with warming her hands than drinking it. Whatever suited her.

Matt climbed into the front and flicked on the stereo – the car was too quiet. Pop music flooded around them until Abby gave him a kick and he turned it off. He had to smile. He loved Abby any way, but a bad mood was definitely more reassuring than her crying.

"You're okay now," Abby hugged Jess again. She nodded silently, in shock. "Hey, I'm here. You're safe, aren't you? Do you want anything?"

"Where's Becker?"

"With Connor. He's fine. They're having a guy's night in," Matt reassured her, "Abby's going to stay with you tonight, okay?"

"Is he okay?"

"Jess..." Abby sighed, "He's been so upset; after he'd realised what he'd done, he was so sorry he'd hurt you."

"Sorry doesn't always cut it."

"No. I know that."

There was a long silence.

"We've all been really worried about you, Jess. Don't ever do that again," Matt spoke again eventually, getting the lecture out of the way as her eyes filled with new tears. He reached back and rested a hand on her knee, "It's all going to be okay now."

"The baby," her own hand flew to her stomach; she stroked it, as if wondering where the child lay inside her.

Matt winced at Abby, but she shrugged, "It'll be fine. We'll pop in at the hospital on the way back, if you want. They can check you over. But...but it'll be fine."

"And tomorrow, you can see Becker, okay?" Matt finished, turning the car engine on, "He wanted to see you tonight, but we didn't think it would be a good idea. You both need time before you make any decisions."

"Abby..." Jess murmured.

"Yeah?"

"Are you...okay?"

"Yeah," Abby tried to smile, "Fine."

"You look..."

"Jess," she sounded impatient, and Jess shrank back, but she just shook her head wearily, "We can talk tomorrow. We can catch up on all the gossip, and have the heart-to-heart. Now, we both just need to get sorted, and get some rest."

Jess nodded, "How are you always right, Abby?"

"If you think that, you've got a lot to learn," she turned away and gazed out into the dark night.

Matt squeezed Jess's knee gently, "Are you going to drink that soup, or can I have it?"

XxXxX


	15. O for Occasionally

**I know I know, I haven't updated in ages again, even though I said I would, and you all want to kill me? I'm sorry! :(  
><strong>**If I don't update again, send me a DM or tweet me, and shout at me! I'll try and remember, I've just been busy...  
>This is the next chapter, I hope people are still reading! Please review, thank you, love you all! xx<strong>

O – Occasionally

"You know, Connor, if I wasn't in love with Jess, and there wasn't the slight issue of Abby getting in the way, I really might quite like being with you."

Connor grinned, "I feel proper loved now."

"No, seriously. I know I'm not grateful very often – I spend most of my time yelling at you – but you're a good mate, so...so thank you."

His smile widened, "Are you sure you aren't drunk, Becker?"

The soldier wrinkled his nose, "I've learnt my lesson where alcohol's concerned. Have you heard from Abby?"

"She says Jess is fine. You don't need to worry," Connor picked up the remote and began flicking through the channels, "Mmm...Friends or Bob the Builder?"

Becker gave a sigh, "I take back what I just said."

"Cheers," Connor didn't look at all worried, "What do you expect me to find at three o'clock in the morning? The 24-hour news? Abby makes me go to bed at ten!"

"Ooh, she's cruel, isn't she?"

"Yup."

"We could have a chat instead?"

Connor bit back his 'emotional retard' retort – not really suitable tonight, considering. Anyway, when Becker suggested talking, you agreed. It didn't happen every day. "Sure. What shall we chat about?"

"I don't know. Stuff."

"Uhuh. What stuff?"

"Boy stuff. Girls, football, crisps."

"Have you been reading that guide to socialising again?" Connor laughed, watching Becker flush, "Well, mate, girls have heart-to-hearts...we can have feet-to-feets."

They paused to arrange themselves opposite one another on the sofa, toes touching. Connor reached for the popcorn; he was really rather enjoying this new side to Becker. It was sweet.

"Has Abby ever told you anything...like, something really bad? And you got really angry at her, even though you don't mean to? Because you're scared?" Becker questioned quietly.

Connor flexed his toes, unsure how to reply, "Yeah, I guess. I used to really fancy her, but whatever I did to impress her just got ignored, and she flirted with Stephen instead. He was the other guy at work at the time. She told me things he'd told her – secrets. I couldn't tell Cutter, even though we were all betraying him. I hated that."

"But you never got angry at her, properly?"

"She tends to be the one getting angry at me..." Connor smirked, "Nah, I try to just...let it crinkle out. What happened with you and Jess...she'll understand you were just upset, if you talk to her. That copper said they get moody when they're up the duff, didn't he?"

"You reckon? The nurse who looked after me when I was ill told me about when she was expecting her son – she craved ice cream and carrots all the time. She said she got really bad back pain," Becker recalled, "I thought Jess was ill a lot – she was being sick. She's not been eating though, either."

"Abby'll look after her. She always makes me chocolate spread sandwiches when I'm sick," Connor laughed, "She'll be fine, Becker. You worry too much!"

"I know."

"It's sweet!"

"Jess doesn't think so..."

Connor lifted his foot and rested it on Becker's knee supportively, "Course she does. She loves you. You love her. It's like Romeo and Juliet, only without the suicidey bit at the end. It's all good. Ish."

"That cleared things up, didn't it?" Becker looked happier now, whatever he said. He pushed Connor's foot away and sat up, leaning down and curling up beside his mate. "Come on then, pass me the popcorn."

"Not on a diet, soldier boy?"

"Watch it, dino kid."

Connor grinned, "Time for a scary story."

XxXxX


	16. P for Planning

**This is quite a long chapter, longish anyway, but I typed it up for anyone who's ever read this story to say THANKYOU, especially for those who still read and review even now it's gone downhill and I hardly ever get the chance to update... Special shout outs to juls124, SveaRand Heyarandomgal! :)**

**I was wondering if I should stop updating this actually, it seems like it only gets a few reads and reviews compared to TAOJ1; what does anyone think? Enough talking, here's P:**

P – Planning

"You can sit down," Lester slammed his cardboard hammer down on the coffee table. It crumbled and collapsed at his feet.

"You say 'court fall', Lester," Connor mocked, "Court fall! Ooh, I've always wanted to say that!"

"Shut up, Connor."

"Yes, Abby. Sorry, Abby."

"Is Jess coming?" Becker asked nervously. He was chewing on his fingernails; a strip of skin had been ripped off and blood stained his finger.

"Yeah. She just went to the loo."

They were all in Jess's flat. Connor and Becker sat on one sofa, Abby on the other, with an armchair for Lester, and another for Matt. It was all carefully planned.

"What's the plan for lunch, Abby?" Matt attempted to break the silence.

"Fish and chips? Oh please, Abby!" Connor begged.

She rolled her eyes, "Nope, me and Jess made some sandwiches this morning. There's cupcakes in the cupboard too, if you want."

"Can I have one?"

"No, Connor."

"Not even a lemon one?"

"No, Connor."

"Okay, okay," Connor sighed.

"I should go and..." Becker stood up, but Matt shook his head at Connor, and the younger man pulled him back down onto the cushions.

"She'll be coming down in a minute," Matt reassured them, not looking very convinced.

"She's probably just putting on more makeup, to prepare for you," Connor suggested coyly, "She'll be making sure she gets the right shade of pink for her lipstick, so she looks perfect."

Becker stared at the floor, "She always looks perfect. She doesn't need lipstick for that."

"Of course she doesn't, Becker. Connor's just an ignorant brat, not appreciating natural beauty," Abby comforted, raising her eyebrows at Connor to show she wasn't serious.

"I do have things to do today, you know. I understand she needs to look tidy, but how long does a trip to the toilet take?" Lester asked, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Well," Connor grinned, "That depends."

"Connor!" Abby exclaimed, embarrassed, yet trying not to laugh as Lester's eyes widened.

"I think we have a wig upstairs, actually. Red, blue and white – when the royal wedding was on TV, we had a party with iced gems and strawberries, and I had that wig on," Connor told them all proudly, "You could wear it, for being the judge."

"No thanks."

"Just a suggestion..."

Abby coughed, warning Connor to shut up before Lester shoved the Union Jack somewhere the sun didn't shine.

"Why don't you find some music to play whilst we wait?" Matt suggested of Connor, giving him a stare as if he didn't have a choice at all, "Something nice and quiet?"

Abby nodded, hoping it would break up the tension in the room. It was far too formal at the moment, she thought; all they needed was a talk, not a jury watching everything. The cardboard hammer was a big mistake.

Connor crouched down enthusiastically by the CD player, "Take That? The Wanted? One Direction?"

"No," Abby snapped.

"Errrmm...Katy Perry? Taylor Swift? Kelly Clarkson?"

Matt bit his lip, "Connor, I have no idea who any of these people are, but they all sound suspiciously like a mixture of boy bands and girl soloists."

"How did you know that?"

Lester took a deep, exaggerated gasp of air, "Why not Mozart of Beethoven?"

"Are they French?"

"Connor!" Abby and Matt screamed together. Matt tensed, just in case he needed to restrain Lester and stop him from killing his colleague. The court wouldn't like a murder on their hands as well, would they?

"Okay, okay. They're Spanish," he shrugged, perfectly calm.

Abby wondered if she might perhaps kill her boyfriend herself. Maybe prison would be more peaceful than this. Then again, he may have been annoying, but she loved him, and he loved her. When she saw the problems between Jess and Becker, she realised how lucky she was. She wouldn't swap her life at the moment for anything.

"I've got it!" Connor screeched. The occupants of the room waited with bated breath as he shoved a CD into the slot and chose the song. The opening couple of lines burst out:

_When the world, leaves you feeling blue,_

_You can count on me; I will be there for you..._

Everyone in the room spun around to stare at Abby. The colour drained from her face as she decided she'd been wrong – she would murder Connor after all. She bit her lip, "I think I'll go and find Jess."

XxXxX


	17. Q for Questions

**The Sheep of Destiny - I know, it's just a bit of fun ;)**

**Juls124 - I don't know the answers to those questions ;)**

**Everyone else - thanks xxx**

Q – Questions

"Jess, can I come in?"

The reply was a sob. Abby gave the bathroom door a tap; it rattled, but stayed firmly in position.

"Unlock the door?"

Another sob. Muffled this time, as if she didn't want to be heard.

"Jess, come on. This isn't helping."

The faint beat of _Reach_ still echoed up from downstairs. Abby wondered briefly if Jess would find it funny. Connor obviously did, and Matt. Lester didn't have a clue, but then that was Lester for you.

"I thought we were friends? I thought you listened to me?" she tried a different tactic now, "He just wants to talk to you, Jess. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

Jess sniffed.

"Jess, I know you're upset, but really?" Abby's anger bubbled beneath the surface; she couldn't help it. Jess had everything. _Everything_. She couldn't even see how lucky she was. "It's his child as well as yours. It's not just about you any more."

Footsteps. The turn of the lock.

"Jess..." Abby crouched down beside her friend, who was huddled up on the toilet seat, wiping her eyes with toilet roll. She looked so young, like an injured schoolchild.

"I'm scared."

"I know."

"What if he...what if it's just the child he cares about? What if he leaves me as soon as...and I've just..."

"Jess, it's okay."

She sniffed again, new tears rolling down her face, "I can't trust him, Abby. I can't trust people easily. I'm scared of loving him if he's only going to hurt me. I can't lose everything."

"And you won't. What's brought all this on again, hey? We've already discussed all this. People aren't perfect, Jess; they make mistakes. He didn't mean to hurt you."

"Mmhm."

"He's waiting downstairs. Connor's deafening him with some old crap music, Lester's driving him mad going on about work. I think Matt's just waiting for the cupcakes, secretly."

Jess smiled feebly, "He'll want a strawberry one."

"Becker knows he's done wrong, and he knows you can't just forget it all and go back to what it was before. But he's sorry, and that's a good start, isn't it? You have to try, at least. You have to meet him halfway."

"I don't want my child to grow up without a dad," Jess seemed to be almost talking to herself now, "I don't want it to be from a broken family."

"Abby, are you coming or what?" Matt shouted up the stairs.

"Yeah; give us two minutes."

There was a long silence.

"And bring some Sellotape down with you."

Jess snorted through her tears, "Sometimes I think we're the only sane ones around here."

"You're not the only one," Abby smirked, then looked serious again, "Jess, you're going to be a mother. That's a big responsibility – we all know that from our own parents – but it's also a wonderful reward. You need a partner by your side just as much as you need your friends. You need Becker. And he needs you."

Jess nodded, wiped her eyes again, then slipped down from the toilet and stood up. Abby smiled, and Jess did her best to smile too. They walked together towards the door.

"You're okay?"

"Yeah."

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

Abby slipped into the office and grabbed a roll of Sellotape, rolling her eyes. Sometimes, she honestly wondered what the world was coming to.

Jess looked scared at the top of the stairs, but also kind of calm. Other than damp rings around her eyes, it wasn't too obvious she'd been crying either, which was always a bonus. Although Becker probably wouldn't care if she looked a mess anyway.

"You know what he said?" Abby whispered to her as they started down the stairs, "Connor started talking about you putting on extra makeup to impress him, and he just looked at us and said you were perfect without makeup."

Jess smiled as they reached the bottom step. She pushed the door open, took a deep breath and stepped in from the shadows, Abby close behind her. Becker was standing up at the back of the room, tapping his foot nervously.

Becker turned around, and their eyes met. They stared at each other. Then she ran forward and buried herself in his arms.

XxXxX

**Plot ideas? Titles for R, S, T etc?**


	18. R for Reconnecting

**Mijo54 – Bonjour! Je suis désolé, je ne peux pas ecrire le français beaucoup, mais j'essaye. Merci!**

**Thanks for the latest reviews, especially juls124 again for the titles. Sorry I haven't updated in ageeessss AGAIN! *whispers* Holidays for Christmas now though... ;) xx**

Reconnecting:

"Jess."

"Becker."

Lester picked up his battered hammer and hit it against the desk again. It crumbled in his fingers, and he laughed nervously. "Can we do without the law today, ladies and gents?"

"Yeah. I think... I think we should give them some time on their own now," Abby pushed Connor from the sofa and towards the kitchen. Matt and Lester followed uncertainly, Matt grinning at Jess before he finally disappeared. The door slammed.

"Jess," Becker said again.

She perched on the other end of the sofa beside him, just staring at him and taking everything in. Becker sat on his hands to stop himself reaching out and clinging onto her forever.

"Can I have a cupcake?" Connor's pleas echoed through from the kitchen, "Pretty please?"

"Jess..." he pretended he hadn't heard Connor, "Oh my God, I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry."

"Me too."

"You're... how many weeks are you? Is the baby okay? Have you seen doctors and all of that – have you been checked over?"

"Becker, I'm fine."

He nodded, "I'm so sorry."

"I know you're sorry."

Becker realised she didn't want to talk like that, she didn't want him to keep apologising. He didn't really know what she did want, actually.

Jess curled her legs up against the edge of the sofa, rested a hand on her stomach, "It's about nine weeks now. You... you can feel them kick at thirteen weeks, sometimes. I think that's the part when it'll feel real, when I know someone's it's inside me."

"Doesn't it feel real already?"

"Not really."

Becker sighed, "I made a mistake, Jess. No, I made lots of mistakes, and they were terrible ones. I hurt you; I know that. I was just scared, and shocked, and I feel so guilty now."

"It's fine."

"No, it isn't."

"Okay, it isn't."

"Jess," he bit down on his lip; all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms again, like he had before all of this, "I understand, if you can't forgive me for this. You can stay with Abby, if you don't want to be with me – she'll look after you. You can hate me forever – I know it would be only fair. But... but please, at least listen first."

"I am listening. That's why we're here."

"Yeah, I know. I just... I love you so much, and I never stopped loving you, and I never will. You know that feeling? Where you just think your world will stop without someone, where you think you can't live any more if they're not there with you?"

Jess wrapped her fingers around her hair, plaited a couple of strands of it nervously in her fingers, "Why did you do it then, Becker?"

"Because... I don't know, okay. I was scared, like I said. I didn't know what to do. I guess I ran away because I was too cowardly; I couldn't face up to it like you."

She laughed for the first time, and he savoured the shape of her lips as they curved upwards, even though her eyes still glimmered with tears, even though he knew she wasn't laughing happily.

"I wasn't cowardly, was I, Becker? I didn't run away? I tried to leave the country. I would've left, if it hadn't been for Abby and Matt. God, I don't deserve friends."

"Neither do I."

"Nobody does, really."

He shrugged his shoulder weakly, "I... I really want to make it up to you, all of this. Anything... anything you need help with. I'll listen to you, if you need to talk. It doesn't have to be about... about anything personal, if you don't trust me enough any more. Just if you need any help, I'll be there. And I'll help with the baby, too, if that's how you want it to be, and..."

"You'll help with the baby?"

"Yeah."

"You'll help?" she kept her expression blank, yet she looked both angry and upset at that sentence, "It's your baby just as much as mine, Becker. If help is money, I don't need it; I'm fine. If help's taking it away for the weekend, then I don't want that either."

"Well, that's fine. Just tell me if you want anything."

"What if I just dumped the baby on you, as soon as it's born? What if I don't want to look after it?"

He looked frightened, "You don't mean that, Jess. It's your baby – like you said about feeling it inside of you. It's part of you. You don't want to leave it."

"No. You're right," she lay back again, pale and exhausted, "I can't forgive you, Becker. Not yet. But that doesn't mean I don't want to know you. I still need your support; I still want to know you care. Hating someone doesn't mean you don't love them."

"That... that's okay. I'm here."

She stood up, and wobbled. He jumped up and held her arm instantly, then dropped it as he realised she was fine. She smiled again, leant back against him so he could hug her.

He treasured that moment more than ever, the feel of her warmth against his side. He buried his head in her hair, smelled that familiar scent of apples and toffees and roses. He smiled, and hugged her harder.

The door creaked, and Connor fell through into the room, going bright red, "Oops, sorry. I...I fell against the door."

"Of course," Becker tried not to smile as Abby and Matt dragged him back through and slammed the door again. Suddenly everything was quiet.

Jess raised her head, "Can we go home now, Becker?"

"Yeah. We can."

XxXxX


	19. S for Standard

**Hey again. See, I updated before a month was over! Have faith! ;)**

**Thanks so much for the reviews. I don't know if anyone remembers, but my original goal was to have 100 reviews and it looks like I might get that. I'd be so happy!  
>Sorry about any <span>continuity issues<span> – when you haven't updated it ages, and you're trying to write ten other stories at once, you can't remember what happened! Please tell me if there's anything...  
>Also writing a <span>poem <span>for a competition at the moment, and I've even updated my profile on here! Gotta love the hols!**

S – Standard:

"What's going on, Jess?" Matt called over the comms.

Her fingers flew over a couple of keys on the computer, "You need to be heading South West, towards Gringards Street. Carry on down that road a couple of hundred metres, turn left at the second junction. You should come to a big grey building."

"There are loads of big grey buildings around here."

"Well, yeah. But this one's _really_ big."

"And really grey?"

Jess flushed behind her hands. At the end of the line she heard Connor and Abby chattering away, whilst Becker lectured Matt on teasing her. The truth was, she didn't particularly mind.

It was better than the way Becker was with her at the moment; she knew he was only trying to be careful not to upset her, but all the tiptoeing around was really annoying her. Like she was going to snap if he touched her. She was only pregnant, not dying.

"Jess, can you get Lester to sort out some hot chocolate for us when we get back? It's freezing out here," Connor whined.

"With marshmallows?"

"Yes, please!" he sounded excited now, "You couldn't persuade him to find some whippy cream too, could you? I love you being back! Lester just gave me a glass and said I knew where the tap was."

Jess liked this more than anything – just being back to normal. She didn't want to stay at home watching Jeremy Kyle and moping, she wanted to be back at work, doing this. She couldn't believe she'd been planning to run away from this. This was what she loved.

"Jess isn't going to get you a hot chocolate, Connor," Abby said disapprovingly, "And neither's Lester. Don't get your hopes up too high."

"Oh."

Jess grinned, kept silent. She had a tin of cocoa powder at the back of the cupboard in the kitchen that nobody knew about. It wouldn't hurt to give them a treat for all of their support. "When are you going to be back, anyway?"

"Well, this big..."

"Grey," Connor added.

"Yeah, this big _grey_ building doesn't seem to be a problem," Matt chuckled, "So we'll give it a quick check over, then head back to the ARC for a break. Is that alright?"

"Sure. I'm just going to the loo."

"Are you okay?"

Jess rolled her eyes at Becker's worried tone, "Yeah, I'm fine."

She left the desk and made her way up to the kitchen. She supposed it was sweet that he worried about her, and she knew she should be glad she had his attention now, but it was going the wrong way. She knew she needed to talk to him about it, before she really did get irritated by it.

"Alright, Jess?"

"Morning, Lester," Jess smiled, stepped across to him, straightened his tie, "Would you like a hot chocolate? I'm treating everyone."

"That would be nice," Lester grinned, "I'll get the kettle on, should I?"

"Thanks."

Everyone told Jess that Lester was much nicer with her than he was with anyone else. They all thought he was a grumpy old man, nearly as emotionally retarded as Becker. But in truth, when you talked to him, he was nice. Jess trusted him as much as she did Abby and Matt.

"Are you doing okay, then? Enjoying being back at work, as much as you can enjoy work?"

"Yeah. I really do love it, you know? Thank you for having me back here; I know I don't really deserve it."

Lester grabbed some mugs from the sideboard, helped Jess spoon powder into them, talked gently, "Of course I had you back. You're wonderful, Jess – I don't know how you do it. I know I don't tell my colleagues this much, in general, but I do think you're all amazing. And I do care."

"I know you do."

"If there was anything troubling you..."

She smiled, "Of course I'd talk to you."

Lester nodded, content. He splashed some water into the mugs, and Jess stirred them around and around. The chocolate melted in, made whirlpools of smooth brown. It smelled delicious.

"I'd better get back to the desk, before Becker gets worried again."

"You know it's only because he cares about you, Jess. You should tell him if he's overreacting, but surely it's nice? He's just trying to make it up to you."

"Yeah," she opened the kitchen door again, "I'm going to talk to him about it. I want everything to be normal again, for the baby and for us. I want it to be like it used to be."

"Things take time to repair."

"I know, I know."

Lester sighed, held out his arms, hugged her briefly. She tried not to seem amazed. He smelled almost as nice as the hot chocolate, actually.

"It'll be okay, Jess."

"Thanks, Lester. For everything."

"Come on," his voice turned gruff again, "Let's see if we can find some chocolate digestives to go with these drinks. Connor would be in heaven."

XxXxX

**Thanks for reading! One more thing: you know the stats page on a profile? What does the column 'C2s' mean? Someone out there must know, it's really annoying me now...**

**Merry Christmas everyone! :) xxx**


	20. T for Tangled

**T – Tangled**

**Decided it was time for a bit of Conby as a change, even though it's still based around Jecker. I read the first chapter of TAOJ1 earlier, and I'm sure that was a lot better than this is now...**

"Connor, can you put that down for a minute?"

"What?" he mumbled to Abby, snuggling down further under the covers, continuing to read his new book, "This is really good. Goes well with the hot choc. Although I could do with another mug of it."

"Can we just talk for a few minutes?"

"Can't it wait until after I've finished this chapter?"

Abby sighed, "How many pages left?"

"Err... well, it doesn't really have chapters, so... it has sections, like... the next one is on page 154. And I'm on page 32. So that's... 122 pages. Quite a lot."

"Then it can't wait."

Connor took a deep breath, gave the side of the book a stroke and closed it, pushing it onto the bed side table. He snuggled down a bit further, reached for his teddy bear, tucked his legs up. He really was quite cute like that.

"Are you listening?"

"Mmhm."

"Can you open your eyes, and look at me? At least pretend you give a damn about what I have to say?"

Connor sat up again, shoved his teddy away, touched her arm. He wasn't entirely stupid – he could hear she was upset. "What's wrong, Abby?"

"Do you love me?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"One you haven't actually answered yet."

"I don't..." he looked confused, "Of course I love you. You know I do; I always loved you. I don't get why you're asking me this."

"Just everything with Becker and Jess, and how hard it is for them. And I just... I know we argue sometimes, but not like that, do we? Is that good, or bad? Should we argue more?"

"Abby, calm down. I can't believe you're asking if we should argue more. Everyone's different, aren't they? You have to put up with me; isn't that bad enough?" Connor shuffled a bit closer to her, tried to hug her in the bed.

She shook his arms off, "I just can't stand it. I keep seeing Jess in pain, and Becker too, and they love each other so much, but they just can't make it work. They're trying too hard. Maybe they love each other_ too _much. Maybe trying_ too_ hard is just never going to work."

"Abby, I know you're trying to help Becker and Jess, but we should probably just leave it for them to sort out..."

He trailed off as Abby shook her head again. He realised there was a tear trickling down her cheek, dampening the hair hanging over her face. He realised he hadn't seen her like this before – he hadn't seen her cry for years, and he'd never seen her talk about this.

"Do you think our lives are boring? Do you think we just go round and round, and follow the same routine our entire lives, and never realise how dull our lives are becoming?"

"How could our lives be dull? How many other people in the world get to work with dinosaurs for a living?" Connor smiled weakly, "And Lester? Nobody else has a Lester, do they?"

"I'm sorry. It's just... I don't know. I just feel..."

"Hey, it's okay. You don't need to say sorry," he tried to hug her again, and this time she didn't stop him. He held her in his arms, and felt her tears against his neck, and wanted to cry himself. "Please, baby. Don't cry."

"It's just that Jess is pregnant, and she's going to have a baby for her and Becker to love and care for, and their lives are going to change forever. And we're just stuck, doing this all over again."

"Ah," he realised that saying 'baby' probably hadn't been his greatest idea, "Look, she's young to be having a baby. I thought we said that we didn't want to think about it until later in our lives? I'm sure she'll let you hold it sometimes, if you wanted to."

"No, I..." she sniffed, "Connor, you'll hate me."

"I've never hated you. Come on, tell me."

"I... I haven't been taking the pill. I wanted... I wanted to see..."

"Oh my God," he let go of her.

She gave another sob, "I told you."  
>"Oh my God, are you pregnant?"<p>

"No, that's the whole point. I wanted to see if I could... if it would happen... I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn't. And it didn't work; I'm not pregnant. I can't get pregnant."

Connor was silent for a long time, "How long have you tried for?"

"Like... about six months."

"You didn't tell me the whole time?"

"I wanted to."

He shook his head and lay back against the bed. She stayed sitting up, curled her knees up to her chest and hugged them, sniffing. He realised he wasn't angry, just hurt. Why hadn't she told him? Why hadn't she even asked if he wanted to? It would be his child too.

"What if you'd got pregnant? Would you have told me then? Would you have told Becker and Jess, and Lester and Matt, and left me to be the last person to know?"

"No, of course I wouldn't."

"How am I supposed to trust you now?"

Abby gave a sob, "I'm sorry."

He picked up his dinosaur book and walked out of the room, towards the kitchen. Found a mug and poured in some hot chocolate powder. He realised this was the first time in a long while that he'd not made a drink for her too. Was that what the routine was all about? He did the same things without even realising it, all the time?

He poured some water into the cup, stirred it around with a spoon. Walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa. He wasn't angry at her, he didn't hate her. He just didn't understand.

He'd only read a couple of lines from the book before his eyes blurred – he put the hot chocolate down, and cried too.

XxXxX


	21. U for Ultraviolet

**Well, we're up to U now – only 5 chapters left after this one until the end of The Alphabet of Jecker 2! It's funny how time flies! Thanks to everyone! Any ideas, tell me! :) xxx**

U - Ultraviolet

"Morning, all," Lester perched on the edge of Jess's desk and surveyed his team, "How are we?"

Jess was sitting beside him, fiddling with the computer keyboard, flashing the little ultraviolet light on and off. Becker sat on a little plastic chair not far away, watching her with admiration, whilst Matt sat beside him, tapping his foot impatiently.

"I'll take that as a 'good'?" he picked up a downhearted vibe in the room, despite how cute (Had he really just thought that word – cute? What was the world coming to?) Jess and Becker looked together. "Where are Connor and Abby? They should be in by now."

"Abby called in ill," Jess told him.

"Abby's never ill, is she?"

"Nope."

"What's wrong with her? And where's Connor, anyway? Don't tell me he's looking after her? What does that involve? A day in bed together, shagging?" he frowned suddenly. Really, where the hell had he got all of this language from today? Had he swallowed _The Guide to Being a Chav_? Cute, and now shagging? Dear, dear, dear...

"She said she'd been sick all night, and she was still in her pyjamas. She sounded... she sounded really bad. I said I'd go and see if she was okay, but she said she'd talk to me later."

"And she doesn't know where Connor is," Becker added.

Lester sighed, "How can she not know where Connor is? Don't they live together? What, he popped out to get the milk and got lost?"

"Don't, Lester."

He looked worried now. Suddenly, it wasn't such a joke, and it wasn't so annoying either. If Matt was telling him not to go on about it, and Becker and Jess were so miserable about it, then what did that mean? "Right, so..."

Becker suddenly fiddled with his pocket, flushing red.

"What is it? Your phone? Take it out."

"It's Connor... sorry, Lester; just give me a minute," he stared at the screen, stood up and moved across to the other side of the room, "Hi, Connor, mate. How're you doing?"

Jess carried on fiddling with the ultraviolet light as the conversation continued in the corner, too quiet to be audible to the team. It made patterns on the high white ceiling of the building, purple swirls.

"Yeah, yeah," Becker was saying, "I know. It must be a shock, mate. So what are you doing? Have you seen her?"

Matt and Lester both found themselves watching the roof silently, seeing the purple light patterns flashing in front of their eyes. Maybe it was just because they felt awkward watching Becker.

"Well, I know, but you should still talk to her. Yeah – I understand. Do you want me to come and see you or something?"

There was silence as Becker listened to his friend on the other end of the line. From the expression on his face, worried and sorrowful, it seemed as if Connor was really out of character.

"Connor, you did loads to help me. Yeah, you're a great mate. Look, it's really quiet here without you – it's weird. I'm sure she didn't mean it, she just... well, you know..."

"Can I talk to him?" Jess broke the silence suddenly, standing up and moving across to Becker.

"Connor, Jess is here," he handed the phone over reluctantly, mouthing quickly at Jess 'they argued'.

She nodded, "Hey, Connor."

More silence. Becker took her hand and she cuddled up against him, obviously remembering what had happened between them. She just wanted to help Connor and Abby. She just wanted to feel Becker's hold on her, and know he cared.

"She said she was ill. She sounded upset – she said she didn't know where you were," Jess paused, "She didn't want me to go across. Yeah, I know you're embarrassed, but I understand; I promise you."

Lester reached across and started fiddling with the ultraviolet light himself, just because he needed to do something. Matt was fiddling with the side of the chair now, tugging at a spare thread. The whole room was filled with awkwardness between them all.

"Yeah. See you in a bit. Yeah, it'll be okay."

She gave Becker his phone back, and he took her hand and helped her down to join them at her desk again. She was just beginning to look pregnant, now – showing a tiny bump. Becker sat down, and she sank onto his knee.

"He didn't tell me what it was about, but... but I think they argued, and they were both upset, and he slept on the sofa and then left before she woke up. I think he's feeling guilty for leaving her now, but he's coming in. He asked me to talk to Abby later."

"Okay," Lester nodded, stood up and walked back towards the ramp leading upwards, "Back to work, then. I'll see you later."  
>All he could think about was all the romantic troubles the ARC was experiencing at the moment. Just their ages, he supposed. If it's not one couple, he told himself, then it's another.<p>

XxXxX


	22. V for Values

V – Values

"She stopped taking the pill half a year ago," Connor was telling Jess.

They sat in Lester's office, for 'privacy', surrounded by neatly organised files, and absolutely nothing personal to suggest he had a life outside of work at all. Maybe he didn't. Had he ever? What did he do for his birthday, or Christmas?

"And she didn't tell you?"

"No. Six months, and she never said anything. That's not like just trying it for a couple of days, is it? She's lied to me all that time. If she's lied about that, what else has she lied about?"

Jess took a sip of her water, looked uncomfortable. Lester had unlocked a secret cabinet and found Connor something stronger, something that looked golden as he held the glass in his hand. He didn't seem to be drinking much of it, though.

"I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you, Connor."

"Well no, but nobody ever _means_ to hurt anybody else, do they? Except for murderers," he shrugged, "It doesn't mean she didn't hurt me."

"I know."

Outside, down the ramp, Becker was sitting at her computer, head engrossed in something on his knee, Lester hovering behind him like an insistent wasp. Actually, it was a bit cruel to consider Lester a wasp, Jess thought – he'd really been there for her and shown that he cared recently. He was a good man. She'd have to suggest to Becker that they invite him for tea sometime.

"I mean, it's not a small lie either, is it? She could've got pregnant; she could've been having a baby. Unless I'm not the dad, which is probably possibly at the moment, I deserve to know."

"Of course it's your baby, Connor!" Jess nearly spilled her drink, "Look, she made a mistake, but she loves you so much. I made lots of mistakes, and so did Becker, but we made up eventually, because we love each other. You love her, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it must've been hard for her. All this time we've been talking about babies, me and Becker, and there was all the problems. It's natural for her to feel like she wants a child – Abby will be a great mum, won't she?"

She paused, and Connor nodded slowly.

"Maybe she was just scared to tell you."

"Because I might have thrown her in with the dinosaurs?"

Jess tapped her foot against the floor. She could really empathise with Abby, and she felt guilty too; she'd been talking about babies all year, about arguments with Becker.

She'd had all the attention – once she'd become pregnant, she'd moaned about morning sickness, and back ache, and got excited about choosing clothes and taking the baby everywhere with her. She must've driven Abby mad.

"I know you're upset, Connor, but if you react like this you're just proving that you were going to react differently. I know," she held up her hand as Connor looked outraged, "I know it's not like that, but if Abby's got it into her head that you'd be angry with her, and now you're doing this, don't you think she's going to feel even more alone?"

He shrugged.

"Had you ever talked about kids, before this?"

"Yeah. We sometimes talked about what we'd do in the future, about getting older. We said, once we were settled and married, and our jobs weren't so demanding and dangerous, we'd have kids."

Jess nodded, "Maybe she just couldn't wait that long."

"But now what does it suggest? Is it my fault she hasn't got pregnant? Her fault? Why does that happen?"

They sat in silence again for a few seconds. Jess hadn't really thought about that. She guessed she'd been really lucky, in a way; she knew some people took a while to get pregnant, but did this mean Connor and Abby had a problem somehow? Would they ever have kids? It probably made it worse for Connor that she'd lied, _and_ hadn't got pregnant.

"I don't know."

"Neither do I."

Jess sighed again; felt like she was doing a lot of sighing at the moment, "You do know you're going to have to talk to her, don't you? You know everyone has to face up to things in the end?"

"Yeah. I know."

"I can talk to her, if you want, but I'm sure she'd much rather hear it from you. If you're annoyed, tell her, but you have to find out her side of the story too, or it's not fair."

"Yeah. I know."

She stood up and balanced her glass on one of the piles of files. Connor put his drink down too, and she hugged him. "It will be alright, you know, Connor? Everything's alright in the end. I read somewhere once, if everything's not alright, then it's not the end."

He smiled weakly, and she saw a familiar glimmer in his eyes, the side of him she normally saw with the humour and love, "That sounds like it should've been written on a magnet, and stuck on the fridge."

"That's because it was on a magnet. In my grandma's house."

XxXxX


	23. X for Xanthippe

**Oh God, it's X again. Umm... okay, Xanthippe apparently means 'ill-tempered woman', Abby? ;)**

X – Xanthippe

"I brought some cakes. You know, like a kind of ice breaker?" Connor held up a carrier bag.

Abby smiled at him hovering on the doorstep. Her heart thudded against her ribs; she wondered if he could tell. He looked nervous too, and very wet, rain dribbling down his cheeks, his hair flat on his head. She supposed she'd better invite him in.

"Come in," she held open the door.

He stepped inside, kicked off his shoes, slipped off his soaking wet coat, "Do you want the chocolate muffin or the jam donut?"

"I don't mind."

"You have to choose."

"No, honestly, Connor. It's up to you. It doesn't matter."

Connor blinked, "Okay."

She sighed, wondered how they'd become this. Wondered how easy it would be to repair. Some things were easy to repair, and some weren't. She guessed hearts were on the latter list.

"Go and sit down," she pointed to the lounge, even though he knew perfectly well where it was, "I'll make some coffee, and come through in a minute."

After she'd finished stirring in the granules, adding milk, giving herself a couple of spoonfuls of sugar for courage, she walked through. He'd produced a knife, and was carefully cutting the cakes in half, so that they both got half of each.

She smiled at his thoughtfulness, then realised there was chocolate all over the sofa. He balanced her cake on a Greggs bag and held it out to her hopefully, so she took it and handed him a coffee in return.

"Thanks."

"Thanks."

"I..." Connor mumbled, "How are you?"

"Okay. You?"

"Fine. Yeah, fine."

"Good."

Connor dabbled the edge of his half-donut into his coffee, and a chunk fell in and floated about on the surface. He laughed awkwardly.

"Connor," Abby sighed, "I'm really sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not."

Connor just shrugged.

Abby wondered if they were ever going to be able to have a normal conversation again; one that didn't involve so much embarrassment and shrugging and awkwardness. It was like they were on a second date, but without the fun and excitement, and with double the nerves.

Then she wondered if she was being melodramatic. She was prone to it, she thought. She was a bitch too, and a cow, and a selfish brat. A xanthippe. She didn't know where that word came from – something Cutter or Stephen had once called her as a joke, probably. It didn't seem like a joke now.

"It is alright, Abby. I talked to Jess, and she... well, I guess I shouldn't blame you. It's my fault, if you couldn't approach me. I know you're sorry, anyway."

"It's not that I couldn't approach you," she said.

"Well, what is it, then?"

"I... I was scared, Con."

She hadn't called him Con in a while, "Of what? Me?"

"No. Of... I don't know. I was scared, and confused, and angry. I just felt like we weren't living any more, just doing our jobs, and nothing else. I just realised I wanted to feel that I was making something of my life. I always really wanted a child, and Becker and Jess were going to have everything I couldn't have – it was just so stupid and selfish."

"But why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because..."

"Because what?"

Abby coughed, choked on the chocolate chips of her muffin. Connor automatically patted her on the back, and his warm hands against her top felt beautiful, and she suddenly realised she needed him so, so much. She gulped.

"It's okay."

"It's not."

"It is. It will be," he left her hand on her back, moved it up a little bit to stroke her shoulder. She shivered, and he suddenly pulled her close and buried his head in her hair. "Don't cry, Abby. Please."

She didn't talk for a moment. She savoured his warm breath on her neck, his fingers lingering on her face as he wiped her tears. She knew she loved him, and she knew he loved her. She knew things could be normal again, sometime.

"I brought this down," she reached out and took a book from the table beside her, a leather-bound book, brown and expensive.

"No, I don't..." Connor dropped his hand from her back and shook his head, "I don't want to read it. It's private. You don't need to do that; it's fine."

"No, stop saying 'it's fine'," she pleaded, flicking open a page "Just read it. Here. This is... this is everything."

"I..." he paused, not wanting to read it. He didn't want to read her private thoughts, but he also didn't want to know the truth. Well, of course he did, really, but he didn't want it to hurt. "Okay."

_Jess and Becker have been fighting again, but you can see in their eyes how much they love each other, and I know they'll sort everything out and be happy soon. I want to be there for them, and I've tried so hard to talk to Jess and help her decide what to do, but it's so hard._

_ I know I sound so selfish and bitter. It's just everything with the baby; it makes me compare the whole situation to me and Connor too. Becker and Jess are going to have a child – they're so young, but they're going to be amazing parents. Me and Connor talked about it ages ago, and we said we'd focus on the ARC for now, and think about kids later, but I'm not sure I can any more._

_ I've tried to talk to him about it, but every time I get near to it I just can't. I sound so foolish and feeble too. I sound like a lot of things. I do love him; I love him so much. It's just that I can't bring myself to discuss it with him, because it hurts so much. Sometimes it feels like we're just stuck in time, doing our jobs and then going to bed, and never spending any time with each other any more._

_ So this morning, I didn't take the pill. I think I thought I'd feel really different, but it didn't – I just felt guilty. I can't tell him, I can't talk to him about it. But I just keep thinking about what will happen. Will I ever even be able to get pregnant? Will I just end up sitting there on my own while everyone else has kids? After how long it took my mum to have kids, I'm just scared. What if that happens to me too? What if he doesn't love me any more?_

"What if I don't love you any more?" Connor whispered.

She gave a sob, "I'm sorry."

XxXxX

**Well, we're getting to the end now. If anyone's reading this who hasn't reviewed for ages, or ever, then please tell me what you've thought of The Alphabet Of Jecker 1 and 2, and give me any ideas for the end. Thanks for reading xx**


	24. W for Who Wants to Live Forever

**OVER 100 REVIEWS, THANK YOU! :')**

**Umm, did no one notice I went from V to X? Oops, sorry. V, X, W doesn't sound so bad, does it? Maybe dinosaurs switched the alphabet around a little. Use your imagination.**

**In the first TAOJ, W was a song, so I just thought I might make it kind of symmetrical and have W2 as a song too. I googled 'songs beginning with W', quite an interesting journey. _Who Wants to Live Forever_ is by Queen, who I sadly don't own. As always.**

**ANYWAY.**

**W – _Who Wants to Live Forever_**

_ There's no time for us._

That was true, Abby thought, as she rolled over in bed, felt Connor's fingertips against her arm, heard his satisfied little sighs. There never was enough time, and the time that was spent together was painful, or frustrating, or laced with difficulty.

_There's no place for us._

Had anyone missed them when they'd disappeared into an entirely different time period for a year? Okay, she knew theoretically that Jess and Lester and Becker and everyone else at the ARC had wished for their return every day, but still her heart felt heavy. When was anybody entirely comfortable with where they were, what they were doing? Who knew if it was right?

_ What is this thing that builds our dreams?_

And then there were the expectations, those feelings that things were going to get better, that whatever happened now, it would always be okay. There would always be something to look forward to, and someone to care, wouldn't there?

_ Yet slips away from us._

Everything was always dashed by the truth. It didn't matter what; take, for example, all those times when they'd thought they were closer to finding out how to get home, and then they'd realised they were just going round in circles, desperately searching for something that wasn't there.

_ Who wants to live forever,  
>Who wants to live forever?<em>

She didn't. She'd lived for the moment. Connor rolled over so that he was curled into her body, and she smiled and kissed his forehead, and felt a sense of happiness swell through her heart and lungs and brain.

They were going to be okay. They would try for a baby, together, with no lies, and if it didn't happen then they'd face that together too, but for now they'd just live as if today was the last day, because nothing ever did last forever, did it? That was the way it was.

XxX

"Jess, are you awake?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

Becker reached for her hand in the darkness, locked his fingers into hers. She was warm, her hands soft and gentle. He reached out with his other hand and laid it on her stomach, and thought about the baby inside of her, growing and developing.

Their baby. They didn't know if it was a boy or a girl yet, or if it would be quiet or loud, or if it would be sporty or a bookworm, but either way Becker already knew they would love it unconditionally.

_ There's no chance for us  
>It's all decided for us<em>

He wasn't sure how the world worked. He wasn't sure he ever would be sure, or why he would ever want to be. Things were perfect now, just the way they were, and if they weren't in the future, then they'd work through it, he hoped.

Maybe things that happened were fate, or God-made, or just pure chance. Some things, they didn't have a choice in, but others they did, and they could decide the most important things for themselves.

_This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us_

He didn't believe that things would always go wrong again. He thought that life was bloody unfair sometimes, and he hated to see other people suffering, but he believed that everyone got that tiny little piece of hope in the end, and he clung to that. There'd be good times, and bad times, and this was a good time.

_Who wants to live forever?  
>Who dares to love forever?<br>Who dare, who dare?  
>Who wants to live forever?<br>When love must die._

Eventually, they'd both die. Everyone died. His mum, his dad, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles. His enemies and his friends. His girlfriend, who would soon be his wife. They'd all die. If they didn't, how could there be a future for anyone else? It could be perfect, and then it'd all be over. It wouldn't matter, because they'd had today.

"I love you, baby. I love you so much."

She yawned, snuggled up to him, "I love you too."

XxX

_So touch my tears with your lips.  
>Touch my world with your fingertips.<br>And we can have forever.  
>And we can have forever.<em>

Lester stood by the window of his office in the ARC, gazing out over the deserted building:

The lockers, where Becker hid away all of his guns because he didn't trust anyone to look after them when he wasn't there.

The desks, where Jess sat and typed as if she was possessed, pausing to share her chocolates around the room.

The cages for the animals, where Abby would go to comfort them when they were scared.

And the kitchen, where Connor made his chocolate brownies, and set the oven on fire. _Awkward_, he'd said. Awkward? He could pay the insurance firm next year.

Lester wondered where he fitted into all of this. Where was his place? In the middle, bossing them all around, drinking tea? In the office, writing up notes, answering the phone?

_Forever is our today.  
>Who wants to live forever?<br>Who wants to live forever?_

He tried so hard, to be their friend, to be their fatherly figure. To always be there for them, no matter what; to lecture them, to hug them, to forgive everything they'd done wrong. Okay, it didn't always work out that way, but he tried. And he thought they knew that. He really hoped they did. That was all that mattered.

XxX

The sun shone down on the graves of all those who had given up their lives for the ARC, for the people of London, to try to make the world a better place forever. Everyone, whoever they were, whatever had happened.

Cutter, and Steven, and Danny.

Everyone else too, who'd gone their separate ways, who no longer contributed to the work of the ARC for whatever reason, but who still remained in the hearts of them all, and would never forget.

Claudia, and Sarah, and Emily.

And now Matt.

_Forever is our today.  
>Who waits forever, anyway?<em>

XxXxX

**Okay, sorry this is so long and blabbery and cheesy, but it had to be done, getting towards the end now, _forever._**

**And about Matt, I don't have a clue what I just did either. Please, please review, *ducks to avoid bullets*. Love you all xxxxxxxxxx**


	25. Y for Yearning

***says nothing at all***

TWO YEARS LATER.

Y is for Yearning

"Jess, I'm home."

Becker listened for her soft voice summoning him to the lounge, or perhaps the kitchen. It didn't come. The house was silent. The hallway suddenly seemed too big.

"Jess?"

He checked all of the ground floor rooms in a couple of strides. An abandoned mug on the kitchen sideboard, unwashed, stained with coffee. A magazine on the sofa, open at the TV listings. All typical Jess, so why did everything about this place suddenly feel so atypical?

The floorboards creaked above him, and he jumped. He moved to the bottom of the stairs, and found her sitting on the top step, twiddling her hair around her fingers, staring at the wall.

"Jess?"

"Hi," she said, "Good day?"

"What's happened?"

She stood up as he reached the top of the stairs. He enveloped her in his soft arms, kissing her, rocking her, and for a moment she felt perfectly safe. Then she led him across to their bedroom, and they sat down together on the edge of the bed.

"Jess, baby?"

"Nothing's happened," she said, taking his hand in hers, feeling the roughness of his skin, and the warmth – she wanted to soak it up, never to let go. "It... it's been a good day. I took Riley for a walk, and then I made the spag bol for our tea."

He smiled affectionately. Some things never changed.

A lot of others things did. Since Matt's death two years ago, the ARC had undergone a complete turnaround. Lester had moved on to be head of the civil service, although he'd taken Rex with him as a memento of his time with the team. He still popped in from time to time, to check they were all doing their jobs properly, and to catch up on the gossip.

Abby and Connor had split up. Connor had moved away to Australia for a few months with an old friend, but he'd missed Abby too much, and he'd come back. A new tan, a slight twang to his accent, but the same old Connor. Still as immature as ever.

He and Abby had repaired their differences, having had a long time to think about what they really wanted from life, and now they were engaged, and Abby was finally six months pregnant, with a baby girl. There was a list of possible baby names stuck to the ARC door; it had now reached one hundred and twenty three names in length, and was a great source of amusement for the team, and a great argument point for Abby and Connor.

Currently, Connor wanted to call the baby Helen, but Abby argued that this wouldn't be staying loyal to Cutter, and of course Connor was hurt by the accusation. Also a possibility was Emily, of course, to remember Matt. Every name they came up with seemed to be attached to so many other memories. But then that was what life was – a maze of memories. Things that enriched your life.

But what about Becker and Jess?

"You're not ill, are you?"

"No, of course not. You worry too much, Becker."

"I know, I know," he ran a hand through her hair affectionately, and felt her quiver. He couldn't tell if it was pleasure or cold, so he just held her tighter. "I love you so much – you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah."

He elbowed her gently, "Hint, hint."

"Yeah, sorry," she shuffled away from him, stood up, "Of course I love you. You know I do. I should go and check on Riley."

Becker followed her through to the nursery. Their baby son lay on his back in the cot, his blanket tucked into his fist beside him, his eyelashes unbelievably long. Jess stared down at him, desperate to hold him close to her, but not wanting to wake him; she was too tired for another three hours of reading _Winnie the Pooh_ to him now.

She jumped when Becker raised a hand to her shoulder. He turned her around and cuddled her again, and this time she didn't try to push him away. He whispered into her hair, "What's wrong, baby? Everything's perfect, isn't it? Riley's perfect? I'm so happy, Jess – I love you so much. What's wrong?"

"I... I'm scared. For tomorrow."

Becker and Jess were marrying in the morning, at the same church where Matt had been buried, and having their photographs under the blossom trees. Abby was being a bridesmaid, and had picked out an outfit for Riley, who was going to carry the rings, with some assistance.

Connor the best man – oh God, that was going to be an interesting speech at the party. Even Lester was taking time out of his busy schedule to give Jess away; it was going to be so perfect.

After everything they'd gone through, they deserved this: perfection, just for a day. Then they'd go back to chasing dinosaurs through forests, and falling asleep watching _Emmerdale _because they were so tired, but first they had to have this one day for themselves, to be truly happy. That was all he wanted, all he yearned for.

"Of course you're scared, baby. I am too. But aren't you excited? You know, Abby will be here to pick you up in a few hours – you'd better start getting ready for a night out to remember."

"I just... I'm just not sure, Becker."

He was silent for a moment. "What?"

"It just feels so wrong."

"But... you love me?"

"Yes, of course."

"So what? What have I done? If you don't want to have a hen party, all that crap, then Abby and Connor can come round here, and we'll have a takeaway and watch TV. Is that what you want? It's up to you, baby."

Jess reached down one pale hand, stroked her baby's cheek, a mother's love filling the room. She took a deep breath, and forced herself to meet Becker's concerned gaze. "Without Matt. Without everyone else – it just feels wrong, leaving them behind, when they can never get married, or get drunk, or... or do anything. It just feels so horrible; I miss them so much."

"I know, babe. I know. It's going to be okay."

"Is it, Becker?"

"Of course it is."

"I...I..." she shook her head and left the room.

XxXxX

**One chapter to go. This story has been such a journey. I know it's been a very long time since I've updated and I can't begin to apologise enough, but I thought I should just finish it for everyone who stuck with me for so long through both of the _Alphabet of Jecker _stories: thank you so much for all of your support, it was always really appreciated and writing_ Primeval_ stories was the beginning of everything on fanfiction for me, so it's been amazing! Love you all! :') xxx**


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